Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
