I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
