I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
