I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
