I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
time to smoke my breakfast
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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