How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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