Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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