Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
