i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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