I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
