So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
