so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
