dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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