Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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