Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
nutella sex= disaster
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
