One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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