so that wasnt chicken after all
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
