An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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