I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
