It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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