people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
