Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
