i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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