So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
