Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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