You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
