I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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