the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
