I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
