I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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