God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
