I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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