As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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