Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
