my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
