actually, I'm a sock model
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
