there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i think my cat just said my name.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
