i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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