thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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