is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
