come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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