I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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