She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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