I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
