There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
that may or may not have been my penis.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
