it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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