He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
