Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
