just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize