watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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