My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I am morally bankrupt
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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