I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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