the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
