i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize