Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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