he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
