i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
