you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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