well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
