the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
