someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Operation Purity has been aborted
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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