Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
