I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
