oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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