So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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