never play flip cup with pint glasses
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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